Graciously Oblong

flutterwhat:

imjohnlocked:

playfulconversation:

this is literally the greatest post on tumblr

this post was sent from heaven

how is this the greatest post on tumblr when it was on Facebook first?

^ This means Tumblr is inferior to Facebook, and the 40 some odd thousand who re-blogged this agree that it is so.

(Source: proud-atheist)

bl4zian:

forebidden:

2bad:

m00nlightvegas:

youcanfindmeincamelot:

studythesnow:

The girl gasped as she watched her shoe fall from the roof of their ten storey apartment building. Her eyes widened in horror when her slipper didn’t hit the cold cement ground below as predicted—instead it landed upon the head of a passerby.

The young man stumbled and nearly fell over by the sudden assault on his head.

Dazed, the man looked around for what had hit him and found a simple, white slipper. He looked to the roof where he could only assume the shoe came from and found the young girl from floor six.

“Hey!”

“Sorry!” She called down.

The man grabbed her fallen shoe and yelled back at her, “Wait right there!”

The girl hopped off the ledge and wrung her hands together anxiously as she waited. Her heart pounded loudly that she feared that it would pop right out of her chest. She debated waiting as instructed or fleeing. If she stayed she would definitely get an earful. If she left she could avoid him—but face his wrath another day and risk the possibility of her parents finding out.

Before she could make her final decision, the door leading to the rooftop flew open and the man stepped forward .

“Is this your shoe?” He asked though he already knew the answer.

The girl bowed deeply, “I’m so sorry.”

The man sighed “Sit down,” he instructed as he gestured towards the ledge. The girl did as she was told—too frightened to question his demand. She kept apologizing profusely as the man drew near and shook like a leaf on a windy day.

She nearly shrieked when the man knelt down in front of her and lifted her right leg.

“W-what are you doing?!” She asked in a surprised voice when the man took her fallen shoe and secured it back onto her foot.

Still kneeling, the man glanced up, giving the girl a view of his handsome face. “It is a gentleman’s duty to return a woman’s shoe.” He explained simply.

The man stood as a pink colour bloomed beautifully on the girl’s cheeks. “T-thank you…”

A smile tugged at the man’s lips. “No need to thank me.”

“Wha—” The girl began to ask when the man placed two large hands on her shoulders but was cut short when he pushed her backwards.

Down she fell, a scream stuck in her throat. The last thing she saw before she met the hard ground was the back of the man’s retreating back.

oH MY GOD

I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE SOME INSPIRATIONAL HIPSTER POST BUT I THOUGHT WRONG

what

Um excuse me what the fuck was that

(Source: naezekra)

all-four-cheekbones:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:

Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.

Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken.  The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.

At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates.  While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.

A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.

The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.

#I am so glad I kept reading